So I decided to work on Fly today and I submitted the first chapter to YouWriteOn.com. This is a review posted by Jillian Taberner from YouWriteOn.com
Fascinating - I've never read anything like it!
You set up the relationship between Olivia, her brother and their Grandma with skill. Having explained the background (the death of their parents) you introduce the special 'skills' that exist in the town of Knoxmeadow.
This story is something of an allegory - there are real towns where there is a ruling family, or group of people, because of their wealth and political power. Here their power is different but potent.
Your protrayal of the relationship between brother and sister, and their Grandma, is succinctly and clearly expressed. One immediately likes them - all three.
The scene that forces Olivia to reveal her particular skill is paced well, fast enough to create tension and make the reader want to read on, but it doesn't lose its power by rushing into the scene without due description.
It's an interesting and intriguing theme and you use good vocabulary - great adjectives.
Obviously, I'm stoked about that review! It certainly makes me feel like I need to finish Fly. I'm going to keep working. I hope you'll keep reading!